I don’t need to tell you how great CM Punk is. We all know about his fantastic mic skills, superior ring work, and incredible character. His refusal to treat his fans like idiots, as many wrestlers often do, only adds to his appeal. Throw in some sweet tattoos, a hilarious Twitter account, and his ability to make anybody he works with look good, and you’ve got yourself a recipe for awesome. The ladies seem to agree.
Over the years, Punk has given plenty of explanations as to what the CM in his name stands for. Much like the Joker’s origin story in The Dark Knight, the meaning of the letters have been amorphous, changing to suit Punk’s mood whenever he’s been asked which words the initials abbreviate. He’s even supplied long and fabricated backstories to support different theories on the meaning of the letters. Over the years, they’ve stood for Cookie Monster, Charles Montgomery, and Chicago Made, among others. Perhaps the most fitting explanation is Chick Magnet.
I came really close to titling this post “The 5 Hottest Women of Wrestling…that CM Punk has slept with,” but we’d probably need a much longer list than five to adequately paint that picture. So instead of theorizing on the Second City Saint’s sexual conquests (I’m looking at you, Mickie James), we’ve got five women that he’s definitely dated at one time or another. Look upon his works, ye mighty, and despair!
Sitting comfortably in the number five slot is Punk’s current main squeeze, Beth Phoenix. After recent rumors spread about Punk being unhappy with his current situation in the WWE, management moved Phoenix from Smackdown to Raw, in what many view as an attempt to keep the Straight Edge Superstar happy by allowing he and his lady friend to travel together. Clearly, Punk has been keeping his pimp hand strong by slapping it in the direction of Stamford’s pencil pushers. Well done, Mr. Punk. Well done, indeed.
Lita has played paramour to a number of wrestlers during her career, but she definitely hit her high water mark with CM Punk. My favorite part about this couple is that I’m sure their relationship was hard to swallow for Matt Hardy, who has spoken openly about his disdain for Punk in the past. Appropriately enough, Lita has the word “Punk” tattooed on the inside of her bottom lip, and while it’s been there since long before she dated the Chicago born savior, she should now consider it a tribute to the greatness that she brushed up against. Punk probably ditched her when he first heard the Luchagors debut album.
As Chris Farley would say, “That Traci Brooks is one fine piece of ace!” The former TNA Knockout is now married to Frankie Kazarian, but before she tied herself down with the X Division star, she got a piece of the Second City’s savior. Brooks & Punk dated from 2003 into 2004 while the CM was working in TNA as part of Raven’s gathering. The man finds tail no matter where he goes. I’m a big Traci Brooks fan, and it was difficult for me not to place her higher up on this list, but Punk’s triumphs are great and difficult to assign a qualitative rank.
2. Maria Kanellis
Punk’s collection of former flames wouldn’t be complete without a Playboy centerfold. I’ll let Maria herself weigh in on this one; her words from this interview with The Sun say more than anything I could write. “I was so in love with him and I still think there’ll always be a part of me that does love him. I thought he was my soulmate, he thought otherwise.” She also cites Punk as the driving force behind her musical career. “He’s like the background music in my life sometimes. It’s very strange how he leads me into different things. The entire album started by the inspiration of being broken up with.” That a boy, Punk. Leave ‘em begging for more.
Ah, Daffney. One of the most obscenely underrated women to ever step foot inside of a wrestling ring. Overcoming her humble beginnings as the deranged girlfriend of David Flair during WCW’s dark days, Daffney has managed to find the staying power to remain apart of the industry for over a decade. In addition to dating the Crazy Mariachi, Daffney has also sporadically appeared in TNA, Shimmer, and Wrestlicious, and was at one time married to the guitarist from
Chris Jericho’s Moongoose McQueen’s band Fozzy. Plain and simple, Daffney’s the total package. She’s got the looks, she’s got the personality, and she certainly has the sense of humor. Just check out this video of Daffasaurus Rex.
Honorable Mention – Becky Bayless
Also deserving mention is Becky Bayless, who is currently a member of the Impact Wrestling roster as Cookie, manager of Robbie E. Personally, she’d easily crack the top three of this list in terms of sheer boner-inspiring looks, but I feel like excluding Lita or Beth would have made it flawed given their prominence. No matter what your preferences are or which of the above women you find the most attractive, we can all agree that Punk is carving a niche for himself as wrestling’s biggest ladies’ man, perhaps of all time. He is an impressive specimen of whom we should all be jealous.